Jonathan and I have been meeting with our pastor the last few weeks for pre-marital counseling. Tonight we had an interesting discussion about idealism. It really got me to thinking...
For most of my life I have dreamt about who I would marry, how many kids we would have, and where we would live. I have wanted so badly for so long to be a wife...a mommy...
Why does the world go to such great lengths to crush these dreams?
Why is it that I am not allowed to dream big simply because no one else feels free to anymore?
Why is it that I can daydream about poofy dresses and wedding bells but not about what comes after the "I do's"?
Why is it that people roll their eyes at me when I get excited about a lifetime of making peanut butter sandwiches for Jonathan every day before he goes to work?
Why is it that they give me a pitying look when I say I can't wait to have babies?
What if I don't want pity, for Pete's sake?!?
What if I'm happy?
What if this is what I want?
What if being young and idealistic and pathetically excited is what it will take to help me push forward and, by God's grace, reach these supposedly naive goals that I have willingly set for myself?
What if I'm not as naive as you think?
What if I actually know what I'm talking about?
What if I serve a God who is bigger than the disappointments of this life?
What if He allows Jonathan and me to "succeed"?
What if you run into me in the grocery store in 10 years and realize, to your intense surprise, that we are still happily married and in love and excited about each other, despite any mistakes we had to make along the way?
What will you think then?
Will you admit that there is a better way?
Or will you say, "Well, I'm glad it worked for you," and walk away?
Will you still refuse to dream even though you've seen a dream come true?
Or will you turn to the Giver of dreams?
Will you take hold of His hand and learn to trust Him?
What will you do?
My prayer is that, by being crazily naive, I will be able to reveal a part of God to those around me that they may have never seen before. May you see the part of God that says: Dream, My child, dream. I have not called you to an ordinary life. I have not called you so that you can give in the pattern of this world. I have called you to be free and dream...
Silverware and Jesus
Thursday, April 2, 2009
So...at work the other day, approximately ten of my co-workers and I were performing the endlessly exciting ritual of rolling silverware for an upcoming banquet.
Now, I have very mixed emotions regarding this aspect of my job. On the one hand, it is an excellent excuse to get off of my feet for a while (which I must admit is tempting when one is on one's feet for 8-12 hours straight in one day) and it also allows for some interesting conversations with co-workers. On the other hand, rolling silverware for 1,600 people also provides ample time for conversations to go downhill...quickly. Needless to say, that is what happened on this particular day. So I went into just-pretend-like-you're-not-there mode and concentrated all of my energy on my highly professional silverware-rolling skills.
All of a sudden, a man that I work with told this horribly vulgar joke which caused everyone else to bust a gut and me to feel even more uncomfortable than before. My plan was to continue the pretend-like-you're-not-there strategy and hope the conversation started ascending heavenward on its own. But then another co-worker of mine looked across the table at me, abruptly quit laughing, and said "Hey ya'll! We better watch it! We have young, innocent ears among us!"
At that point, I'm not sure whether everyone knew instinctively that she was referring to me or if the redness creeping up into my face was what drew all eyes in my direction. Either way, it was awkward.
There was a momentary moment of silence before they started talking again, but this time the topics of conversation only became as scandalous as the weather forecast for the rest of the week and everyone's work schedules.
I caught a third co-worker studying me several times, for what reason I was not sure, but I tried to appear cool and collected about the whole thing.
Later on during a break, the gentleman that had previously been watching me came up to me and politely inquired if I would mind him asking me a question. I somewhat reluctantly said yes, so he proceeded to ask if I was a Christian. He said that he had noticed something different about me - a "glow" - and he wondered if my reason for refraining from the previous conversation was because of my faith in God.
I breathed a sigh of relief and told him yes. I went on to tell him that the reason I don't take part in those types of discussions is because I don't feel that they honor God and I want to honor Him with the way that I live. This led into a very long dialogue concerning church, Satan, marriage, family structure, soup, college, and turkey farming (and no, all of those topics are NOT related). He was very kind and interesting to talk to, and I was fascinated at how our nice little chat had stemmed from that earlier, not-so-nice incident. What can I say? The Lord works in mysterious ways!
But it didn't end there... A couple of hours later, in the middle of serving lunch, the man who had told the icky joke pulled me aside and apologized to me! He said that he hadn't meant anything by it and he was very sorry. I had no idea how to react. I can't even remember what I said to him! I either said "thank you" or "it's okay", but I was so taken aback that I'm not even sure!
What is it that attracts people to purity? What is it about innocence that shuts people up and causes even the most irreverent to momentarily act out of character?
I suppose it is the same thing that attracts us to Jesus.
He is holy and we are not. There is something about Him that is different and it draws us to Him. We are familiar with selfishness, lust, pride, guilt, anger, fear, death, loneliness, emptiness, and pain. Our lives and the lives of those around us are characterized by such ugliness. But Jesus is none of those things. He is different. He is lovely. He is refreshing. And no matter how hard we rebel against Him, there is something inside of us that knows that we want what He is. We want holiness. We want selflessness, purity, humility, innocence, joy, boldness, life, acceptance, wholeness, and healing.
We want what we were originally created for.
Because of sin, we can't have it though. Not unless we put our trust in the One who can cover our sin with His precious blood. We must see our sin for what it really is, lay it down at His feet, accept His forgiveness, and move forward by His grace to live the holy life that we long for. We must die to ourselves and live for Him.
It is a huge step to take, and we often fall into the trap of feeling unworthy to be loved on by Jesus. The truth is that we are unworthy. His blood is what makes us worthy! His blood is what makes us innocent in the courtroom of God the Father! His blood is what washes away the grime and gives us a brand new heart! It is not based on our merit, but His! How amazing is that?!? We don't have to be good enough! We don't have to work harder or be more "spiritual". We just have to trust Him.
God is so good!
Now, I have very mixed emotions regarding this aspect of my job. On the one hand, it is an excellent excuse to get off of my feet for a while (which I must admit is tempting when one is on one's feet for 8-12 hours straight in one day) and it also allows for some interesting conversations with co-workers. On the other hand, rolling silverware for 1,600 people also provides ample time for conversations to go downhill...quickly. Needless to say, that is what happened on this particular day. So I went into just-pretend-like-you're-not-there mode and concentrated all of my energy on my highly professional silverware-rolling skills.
All of a sudden, a man that I work with told this horribly vulgar joke which caused everyone else to bust a gut and me to feel even more uncomfortable than before. My plan was to continue the pretend-like-you're-not-there strategy and hope the conversation started ascending heavenward on its own. But then another co-worker of mine looked across the table at me, abruptly quit laughing, and said "Hey ya'll! We better watch it! We have young, innocent ears among us!"
At that point, I'm not sure whether everyone knew instinctively that she was referring to me or if the redness creeping up into my face was what drew all eyes in my direction. Either way, it was awkward.
There was a momentary moment of silence before they started talking again, but this time the topics of conversation only became as scandalous as the weather forecast for the rest of the week and everyone's work schedules.
I caught a third co-worker studying me several times, for what reason I was not sure, but I tried to appear cool and collected about the whole thing.
Later on during a break, the gentleman that had previously been watching me came up to me and politely inquired if I would mind him asking me a question. I somewhat reluctantly said yes, so he proceeded to ask if I was a Christian. He said that he had noticed something different about me - a "glow" - and he wondered if my reason for refraining from the previous conversation was because of my faith in God.
I breathed a sigh of relief and told him yes. I went on to tell him that the reason I don't take part in those types of discussions is because I don't feel that they honor God and I want to honor Him with the way that I live. This led into a very long dialogue concerning church, Satan, marriage, family structure, soup, college, and turkey farming (and no, all of those topics are NOT related). He was very kind and interesting to talk to, and I was fascinated at how our nice little chat had stemmed from that earlier, not-so-nice incident. What can I say? The Lord works in mysterious ways!
But it didn't end there... A couple of hours later, in the middle of serving lunch, the man who had told the icky joke pulled me aside and apologized to me! He said that he hadn't meant anything by it and he was very sorry. I had no idea how to react. I can't even remember what I said to him! I either said "thank you" or "it's okay", but I was so taken aback that I'm not even sure!
What is it that attracts people to purity? What is it about innocence that shuts people up and causes even the most irreverent to momentarily act out of character?
I suppose it is the same thing that attracts us to Jesus.
He is holy and we are not. There is something about Him that is different and it draws us to Him. We are familiar with selfishness, lust, pride, guilt, anger, fear, death, loneliness, emptiness, and pain. Our lives and the lives of those around us are characterized by such ugliness. But Jesus is none of those things. He is different. He is lovely. He is refreshing. And no matter how hard we rebel against Him, there is something inside of us that knows that we want what He is. We want holiness. We want selflessness, purity, humility, innocence, joy, boldness, life, acceptance, wholeness, and healing.
We want what we were originally created for.
Because of sin, we can't have it though. Not unless we put our trust in the One who can cover our sin with His precious blood. We must see our sin for what it really is, lay it down at His feet, accept His forgiveness, and move forward by His grace to live the holy life that we long for. We must die to ourselves and live for Him.
It is a huge step to take, and we often fall into the trap of feeling unworthy to be loved on by Jesus. The truth is that we are unworthy. His blood is what makes us worthy! His blood is what makes us innocent in the courtroom of God the Father! His blood is what washes away the grime and gives us a brand new heart! It is not based on our merit, but His! How amazing is that?!? We don't have to be good enough! We don't have to work harder or be more "spiritual". We just have to trust Him.
God is so good!
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